[a long time ago, in a whole collection of back alleys and street corners and parking lots, he'd always chosen to take punches rather than abandon his ground. even when facing bullies two, three times his size, even when he'd been beaten black and blue and almost knocked unconscious, surrender had never been an option.
and even in a world where things are so much more complicated, it still shouldn't be.
i just wanted to make you proud — that'd been his own wish once, too, something, he can admit, that had driven him to continue to try to enlist, even as he'd faced nothing but rejection; something that he'd felt he'd finally achieved for the first time when he'd stepped onto the front lines. you're supposed to be my dad — why didn't you fight harder — staying alive for your kids — all the blows are dealt in rapid succession, and though each one somehow hits harder than the last, he takes them without flinching and without question.
in the aftermath, he stands back up; that's what he knows to do.]
I don't know what was on his mind, but if I had to guess, he was doing what he thought would protect you. What he thought was right.
[("for as long as i can remember, i just wanted to do what was right.")]
That doesn't mean that it was. [("i guess i'm not quite sure what that is anymore.". but:)] I can't change what happened, in your universe or in this one, but I can make different choices with the time that we have.
[time, he knows, is something he can no longer afford to squander.
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and even in a world where things are so much more complicated, it still shouldn't be.
i just wanted to make you proud — that'd been his own wish once, too, something, he can admit, that had driven him to continue to try to enlist, even as he'd faced nothing but rejection; something that he'd felt he'd finally achieved for the first time when he'd stepped onto the front lines. you're supposed to be my dad — why didn't you fight harder — staying alive for your kids — all the blows are dealt in rapid succession, and though each one somehow hits harder than the last, he takes them without flinching and without question.
in the aftermath, he stands back up; that's what he knows to do.]
I don't know what was on his mind, but if I had to guess, he was doing what he thought would protect you. What he thought was right.
[("for as long as i can remember, i just wanted to do what was right.")]
That doesn't mean that it was. [("i guess i'm not quite sure what that is anymore.". but:)] I can't change what happened, in your universe or in this one, but I can make different choices with the time that we have.
[time, he knows, is something he can no longer afford to squander.
there's a pause between messages, then:]
I want to, if you're willing to give me a chance.